NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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