I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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