i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i've created a new STD.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
