I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
