I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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