Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
