Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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