My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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