i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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