If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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