And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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