You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
