I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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