by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
