I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
birth control should be required to get into college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
