The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
