No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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