I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
