just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
