so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
