he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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