ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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