i barfeds in our rink
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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