So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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