At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
