Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
