Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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