also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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