when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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