ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
