Sry I called you an 8
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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