dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
