the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
