Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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