A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize