when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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