Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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