i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
