i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
