We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Enjoy the penises
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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