Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
