It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
send nudes
from the living room?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
