And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
