Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
