I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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