If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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