Define "chronic" masturbator.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You've changed since you got that strap on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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