I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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