I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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