Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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