There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
