i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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