wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
