I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
