70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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