exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
