We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
