i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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