Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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